So my favorite blogger is Life According to Steph. She mainly writes about her life and makes me laugh on the daily. But every once in a while she writes about something a bit more serious and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her latest post. It was about life and how some people may have it harder than others and it’s how you deal with your struggles that really defines you. (read her post here).
As a kid/teenager some screwed up things happened to me and as best as I could, I sucked it up and went on with my life. I may have done some stupid things because of what happened to me and hurt some people along the way but for the most part I came through level headed and a pretty good person. That said, it was hard for me to have sympathy for anyone that hadn’t been through as much as I had. I wanted everyone around me to suck up their problems and move on with life, like I did. I didn’t understand anxiety or depression. I was simply insensitive to what others were going through if in my mind it wasn’t as hard as what I had been through. It was like my struggles had set a bar and if your troubles didn’t reach that bar you don’t have the right to complain. It wasn’t until motherhood, vulnerability at its finest, that I realized my harshness was unnecessary. The constant comparing of what I had experienced versus the world wasn’t healthy for me or anyone.
While motherhood has opened my eyes to my insensitivity it hasn’t cured me, let’s just say it softened me up a bit. I now realize that depression isn’t something you just snap out of. I didn’t officially suffer from Post-Partum Depression but becoming a mom definitely messed with my identity and for me it was personal. I have always been strong physically and mentally. So once I gave birth I wanted my body back and I am not talking about being skinny or losing weight. I wanted to be able to do the things I did before pregnancy. I wanted to go out for a half marathon run just because. But that wasn’t there anymore. I had lost what had helped me in the previous 3 years to cope with life – running. Not only did I lose my ability to get out and run but I could barely walk straight for two weeks. I guess I just wasn’t prepared to how hard and painful giving birth could be and all I kept thinking is that women do this ALL of the time. Why am I suddenly so weak? When did I become so weak? I guess I thought because I had been through some traumatic events in my life I could handle something everyone does all of the time but it was so hard for me.
So life threw me a big bowl of humility. Which in turn became empathy for others. It was a really hard lesson and I am interested to see if this time around life slaps me in the face again. But if it means I come out with another awesome little boy in my life – Bring it on Life!