Bitch-slapped by Life

So my favorite blogger is Life According to Steph.  She mainly writes about her life and makes me laugh on the daily.  But every once in a while she writes about something a bit more serious and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her latest post.  It was about life and how some people may have it harder than others  and it’s how you deal with your struggles that really defines you. (read her post here).

As a kid/teenager some screwed up things happened to me and as best as I could, I sucked it up and went on with my life.  I may have done some stupid things because of what happened to me and hurt some people along the way but for the most part I came through level headed and a pretty good person.  That said, it was hard for me to have sympathy for anyone that hadn’t been through as much as I had.  I wanted everyone around me to suck up their problems and move on with life, like I did.  I didn’t understand anxiety or depression.  I was simply insensitive to what others were going through if in my mind it wasn’t as hard as what I had been through.  It was like my struggles had set a bar and if your troubles didn’t reach that bar you don’t have the right to complain.  It wasn’t until motherhood, vulnerability at its finest, that I realized my harshness was unnecessary.  The constant comparing of what I had experienced versus the world wasn’t healthy for me or anyone.

While motherhood has opened my eyes to my insensitivity it hasn’t cured me, let’s just say it softened me up a bit.  I now realize that depression isn’t something you just snap out of.  I didn’t officially suffer from Post-Partum Depression but becoming a mom definitely messed with my identity and for me it was personal. I have always been strong physically and mentally.  So once I gave birth I wanted my body back and I am not talking about being skinny or losing weight.  I wanted to be able to do the things I did before pregnancy.  I wanted to go out for a half marathon run just because.  But that wasn’t there anymore.  I had lost what had helped me in the previous 3 years to cope with life – running.  Not only did I lose my ability to get out and run but I could barely walk straight for two weeks.  I guess I just wasn’t prepared to how hard and painful giving birth could be and all I kept thinking is that women do this ALL of the time.  Why am I suddenly so weak? When did I become so weak?  I guess I thought because I had been through some traumatic events in my life I could handle something everyone does all of the time but it was so hard for me.

So life threw me a big bowl of humility.  Which in turn became empathy for others.  It was a really hard lesson and I am interested to see if this time around life slaps me in the face again.  But if it means I come out with another awesome little boy in my life – Bring it on Life!

Reasoning with a Pregnant Woman

Don’t do it.  Just agree and move on.  If you typically annoy her – leave her alone.  If she is asking for something, get it to her ASAP, STAT, NOW.  This is the type of mood I am in today.  Everyone around me is annoying me.  My patience level is low – very low.  Don’t ask annoying questions or try to converse with me.  I don’t want to hear it.  I don’t want to make small talk.  MaF this shitke me laugh, bring me something delicious to eat, or make it so I can lay on the couch and not have to move unless I have to pee.  That’s what I want these days.  Some days being pregnant is a bitch.  I have more estrogen pumping through my body than I will in my entire lifetime.  I struggle to put on my pants, shave my legs and put my shoes on.  I grunt so much doing these things that my toddler is mimicking my sounds.   A flight of stairs might as well be Mount Everest.    My desk job is basically 8 hours of torture on my back and by 4:00 pm, I want to shoot someone.  Luckily it’s not every day but today just is one of those days.


What feeds your soul?

My husband and son at Rocky Mountain National Park – September 2015

I booked a trip for my husband yesterday.  For eleven days in March he will be climbing in California.  I will be 30 weeks pregnant.  I also booked a trip for my mother to visit during that time frame.  Climbing for my husband is like running for me –  It’s what makes our souls happy.    Its apart of who we are which you tend to lose as you head into parenthood for the second time.   It will be awhile once baby #2 comes along to go on an awesome climbing adventure so I figured why not? Maybe I am crazy and maybe I will regret this decision but right now it feels right and I am truly excited for him.