Lately I have been thinking a lot about a 40 mile race I would like to complete in March.  In addition to completing the race I was hoping to raise $5,000 for Covenant House.  I was introduced to Covenant House by Steph from Life According to Steph when she did a sleep out last March, you read about that here.  I wasn’t a foster kid growing up but my teenage years were hard.  I was raped when I was 14 years old by a friend of the family.  It happened three times and I didn’t say anything for a year.  So family gatherings were challenging to say the least.  I eventually said something and he went to jail but it was a lot to handle as a teenager.  My family helped me through it even though I was a mega bitch.  I know I would not have survived that period in my life if I didn’t have a support system.  So my heart goes out to these kids that have no one in their lives.

I was talking about the run with my sister in law over the weekend and she asked me if I have ever not reached one of my goals.  Nope, I usually reach my goals.  Like I said New Year’s resolutions are my Jam.  But I don’t think I really have put myself out there like this goal.  My goals are usually easily attainable.  They just require discipline and hard work which I am not afraid of.  But this goal requires me to put myself out there and announce to the world that I want to run 40 miles and give me your money.  It’s intimidating.

On Sunday night after spending a couple of hours scouring Old Navy’s website, I completed an order of close to $350.00.  Normally when I order from Old Navy or any online realtor, I know in the back of my mind that I will probably end up returning something so it’s not like I REALLY spent $350.  But this time it was different.  There is no chance that any of the items will be returned and especially not by me because I bought them for kids I never met after reading this article:  Teaching Hope.  I looked up the school and their uniform requirements and tried to buy an array of uniforms that may be needed in the various sizes for kids aged 5-14.

Lately I have been feeling this nagging feeling like I should be doing more and not for myself or my family but as a human being. I should be doing more for society as a whole.  So I have been thinking of ways to help and this one random act of kindness just fell on my lap and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  And I know I won’t get a tax deduction or anything out of it other than the right to brag here on my blog but it felt great to email the Principal and let her know to expect the order.  I also genuinely believe that everything good you put out in the universe comes back to you.   Today I emailed Old Navy to see if they would match my order or contribute something, I am still waiting to hear back.  Will keep you posted.

I don’t celebrate Valentine’s day. In fact, if my husband were to buy me flowers for Valentine’s Day I would probably be annoyed.  Mainly because I know he would have paid way more than he should have and for what?  I like flowers but with a household to maintain they have become just one more thing for me to take care of.  Is that terrible?  Also gifts these days mean one more thing to own and take care of and that idea is overwhelming.

Let me explain,  I like having a clean and tidy home and for me that means no clutter.  These days it has become clutter-full and I think it’s starting to affect my psyche.  In my mind I have grand plans to sell and donate a bunch of things and finish some unfinished projects that have been that way for years now.  So far I am off to a pretty good start but with a toddler to entertain and my belly just getting bigger. I think my grand plans need to either get moving quickly or change.  I find myself wanting to do more than I am physically capable of.  I am 23 weeks pregnant and still running.  I also work fulltime, cook dinner almost every night and attempt to maintain a 2,200 sq ft. home.  It’s hard.  But I have to get rid of “stuff” because its taking over and I just can’t anymore.  It seems like a constant struggle and the struggle is real.  Anyone else with me? How does everyone else do it?

I think my main problem is that I am a perfectionist.  I want things organized perfectly but life isn’t perfect.  I can’t just throw everything in plastic bins and throw it in the basement for a later date.  If an item isn’t going to be used again, I cannot just store it.  It affects me to have it but if it’s still useful, I can’t just throw it away.  Especially if I think it has some sort of value. I would rather sell it than donate it. So I think my best plan of action is to make a list of easily achievable goals and start there.  Get those things done and start on the next list of items. So here is my first list:

1. Frame the print that’s been sitting in my basement for almost 4 years now
2. Purge some of the 20 sweatshirts we currently own, we literally have 15 too many
3. Paint the random frame we have in the basement and create an artwork display
4. List four items on eBay
5. List four items on the local Facebook yard sale group

My goal for this list is February 1^st.  This gives me about a week.  We will see how I do…